Post your funniest jokes/videos!!

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star_sirius

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<p align="justify"><font face="Times New Roman"><font face="Century Gothic" size="6"><strong><em>Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports<br /> </em></strong></font><font face="Garamond"><br /> When Florida State's De'Cody Fagg caught his 7 receptions for 93 yards in Saturday's close one against Troy, the Flumesday Heisman-watch officially began.&nbsp; I briefly considered buying the web domain "www.De'CodyFaggforHeisman.com" but instead, decided to create a list of the Top Ten Dirtiest Names in Sports.&nbsp; These are names of athletes that I have trouble saying with a straight face, such as that of my favorite FSU receiver.&nbsp; These are the names that make me uncomfortable when uttered by straight-laced TV announcers.&nbsp; These are the names that could be confused for sex positions, venereal diseases and insults for your worst enemies.&nbsp; These are the Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports:<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </font><img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/fagg.jpg" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="243" height="271" align="left" /><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4">10.&nbsp; De'Cody Fagg</font></em><font face="Garamond"><br /> &nbsp;<br /> Junior <span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">De'Cody Fagg</span>, the top receiver at Florida State, is on his way to a break-out season this year.&nbsp; The 6'3" wideout from Quincy, Florida has led his team in receiving in FSU's first two games this year, including a big win at Miami.&nbsp; De'Cody's name, however, makes him even more interesting of a player.&nbsp; His first name, an normal American name with a "De" and an apostrophe tagged on, is followed by a slur that would otherwise not be permitted on television.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </font><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4"><img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/bush.jpg" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="247" height="288" align="left" />9.&nbsp; Homer Bush<br /> </font></em><font face="Garamond"><br /> This former Yankee, Blue Jay and Marlin takes the number 9 spot on the list.<span> </span><span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Bush</span><span> grew into the game as a rookie in 1994, was cut by the Marlins in 2002 and pretty much fell off after that.&nbsp; Bush, always trim throughout his career, never quite reached his hitting potential and managers never quite seemed certain how to use Bush effectively.&nbsp; Bush eventually became obsolete.&nbsp; His first name, Homer, short for Home Run, is the root of the term "all the way," a term youngsters use to describe love-making.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </span></font><img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/pujols.jpg" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="217" height="300" align="left" /><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4">8.&nbsp; Albert Pujols<br /> </font></em><strong><em><font face="Century Gothic"><br /> </font></em></strong><font face="Garamond">Arguably the best hitter in baseball, <span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Pujols</span> represents the only Latin-American on the top 10 list.&nbsp; This is important because if Albert's surname is spoken with a Spanish accent,&nbsp; it is pronounced "poo-holes".&nbsp; This places him in the scatological subcategory of the list with one other athlete (#5).&nbsp; The Dominican slugger has won the Rookie of the Year and MVP awards, which means he's definitely not the shittiest athlete on the countdown.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </font><img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/slutskaya.jpg" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="217" height="287" align="left" /><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4">7.&nbsp; Irina Slutskaya<br /> </font></em><font face="Garamond"><br /> The Russian figure skater, <span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Irina Slutskaya</span>, won the European championship in 1996 and 1997.&nbsp; Although in Russian, her name is probably pronounced differently than it looks, embedded within Irina's last name is one of the more offensive words aimed at women.&nbsp; Slutskaya didn't go all the way in the 1998 Nagano Olympics, finishing in fifth place in her competition.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </font><font face="Arial Black" size="4"><em><img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/tugnutt.png" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="216" height="288" align="left" />6. Ron Tugnutt<br /> </em><br /> </font><font face="Garamond"><span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Tugnutt</span> enjoyed success as goalie for 16 years and 6 teams in the NHL.&nbsp; Born Ronald Frederick Tugnutt in Ontario, Canada, he played in one NHL All-Star Game and represented Canada in the 1993 Hockey World Championships.&nbsp; His given name, Ron, is average in every way, however, his last name Tugnutt, could be confused for a verb and a noun that when used together, would describe the male act of self-fulfillment.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/assol.jpg" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="226" height="261" align="left" /></font><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4">5</font></em><font face="Arial Black" size="4"><em>. Assol Slivets<br /> </em></font><font face="Garamond"><br /> As the fifth athlete on the list, though lesser-known, <span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Slivets</span> has one of the dirtiest names in the history of sports.&nbsp; The freestyle skier from Belarus competed in the 2006 Olympics in Turin finishing 5th in the women's aerial ski competition.&nbsp; Oh yeah, and her first name is Assol.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/Butkus.jpg" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="235" height="384" align="left" /></font><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4">4</font></em><font face="Arial Black" size="4"><em>. Dick Butkus<br /> </em></font><font face="Garamond"><br /> This football Hall-of-Famer boasts a moniker so dirty that each syllable of his name are individually dirty.&nbsp; Well that's not true.&nbsp; I guess "kus" isn't dirty...unless it comes after "But"!&nbsp; Dick's last name, <span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Butkus</span>, is pronounced "but-kiss" which could mean the physical act of smooching the buttocks or the slangy meaning of being overly flattering.&nbsp; Either way, when "Butkus" is preceded by "Dick", its meaning doesn't really matter.&nbsp; It just becomes the last part of a dirty, dirty name.</font><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4"><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/dickshot.jpg" border="0" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="246" height="327" align="left" />3. Johnny Dickshot<br /> <br /> </font></em><font face="Garamond">Born John Oscar Dickshot in Waukegan, Illinois, <span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Dickshot</span> played outfield for 3 teams from 1936 to 1945.&nbsp; Johnny's last name is one of the more dynamic on the list as "shot" is somewhat sport-related and "dick" is somewhat funny.&nbsp; Johnny also had a nickname, "Ugly", which is strange because the concept of a dickshot is so lovely.&nbsp; Dickshot died in Waukegan in 1997.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </font><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4">2. Dick Trickle<br /> </font><font face="Arial Black" size="1"><br /> </font><font face="Garamond"><img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/sportsnames/trickle.png" border="2" alt="" hspace="6" vspace="6" width="245" height="189" align="left" /></font></em><font face="Garamond">This is about as good as it gets.&nbsp; <span style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:700">Dick Trickle</span>, known as "America's Winningest Driver," began racing on&nbsp; the short-track circuit in 1958.&nbsp; The vile nature of his name made Trickle a common joke on Sportscenter&nbsp; in the 1990s.&nbsp; The idea of a trickle--a slow, irregular flow of a liquid--following "Dick" in a man's name--conjures up themes of bathroom activities and venereal disease.</font></font></p> <p align="justify"><font face="Times New Roman"><font face="Garamond"><br /> </font><br /> <br /> <br /> <em><font face="Arial Black" size="4"><img src="http://www.flumesday.com/images/chubby.png" border="0" alt="" hspace="6" width="216" height="326" align="left" />1</font></em><font face="Arial Black" size="4"><em>. </em></font><em><font face="Arial Black" size="4">Chubby Cox<br /> </font></em><font face="Garamond"><br /> And the #1 Dirtiest Name in Sports is <strong>Chubby Cox</strong>.&nbsp; Born John Arthur Cox III, Chubby was a standout at the University of San Francisco in the '70s and was drafted by the Bulls in 1978.&nbsp; Cox only played in 7 NBA games, for the Washington Bullets in 1983.&nbsp; Chubby couldn't cut it on the professional level and spent his post-playing years teaching and coaching youths in the San Francisco area.&nbsp; But what matters most about him is that his name is Chubby Cox.</font></font></p><p align="justify">&nbsp;</p><br /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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TheOscarMP

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<p>very funny.&nbsp; reminds me of one of my college professors,&nbsp; Harold (aka Harry) Butts PhD and a girl I went to grammar school with, Donna Screws</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#ff00ff">Screw you guys...I'm going home:  Eric Cartman</font></p><p><font color="#ff0000"><strong>SILENCE...I KILL YOU!!!!:</strong>  Achmed, the dead terrorist</font></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the Most embarrassing moment in listener's lives. The final four were: <br /> <br /> <br /> 4th Place <br /> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. <br /> <br /> 3rd Place <br /> It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties. <br /> <br /> 2nd Place <br /> A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally Got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. <br /> The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'Price check for Tampax supersize.' <br /> But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks' , and replied in a business like tone, his <br /> voice booming over the same public address system: 'Do you want the kind <br /> you push in with your thumb or the kind one you belt in with a hammer. <br /> <br /> 1st Place. <br /> And the winner is . . ... <br /> <br /> This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?' The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat'. <br /> <br /> <br /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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starsinmyeyes44

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<p><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/38b1dd7be958c01aa91e8d22a5b2e281ecc9e78a" alt="" /></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/ee4f1933188e8e40f67ae1b17f84178bc1a54bfe" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/3db8e8c17f553ba06c6c659757e1c0b9905bcb75" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/7677d1475ed29417c953a9b18e7dd2f95377b21f" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/b2291404b3d610910f19321f192c968b822bcdc1" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/43d44251b92dbe9fa3ae8a256c3a5a21a588b322" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/ae8b2845646b8ced14541f682cb6399b1fe29e84" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/bfcfd522d1788563b1848357852dcc5684b56660" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/a2f504445a5975103d252a057dbed0b25e0ab01c" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/ac4525695e354da4cd074cf79a820084314f902d" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/38b1dd7be958c01aa91e8d22a5b2e281ecc9e78a" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/ee4f1933188e8e40f67ae1b17f84178bc1a54bfe" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/3db8e8c17f553ba06c6c659757e1c0b9905bcb75" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/7677d1475ed29417c953a9b18e7dd2f95377b21f" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/b2291404b3d610910f19321f192c968b822bcdc1" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/43d44251b92dbe9fa3ae8a256c3a5a21a588b322" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/ae8b2845646b8ced14541f682cb6399b1fe29e84" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/bfcfd522d1788563b1848357852dcc5684b56660" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/a2f504445a5975103d252a057dbed0b25e0ab01c" alt="" /><img src="http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/ac4525695e354da4cd074cf79a820084314f902d" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#ff00ff">In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.<br /></font><strong>Charlie Brown</strong></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>I'm afraid you can't compete with this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvj1QGqfQyg <br /> Posted by Leovinus</DIV></p><p>Hahaha! Thanks for relink, I posted in uplink same joke:</p><p>Re: Favorite Monty Python quotes, skits.... but this video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by BBC Worldwide Ltd.</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://img01.picoodle.com/img/img01/4/4/14/f_batmansuparm_ac337ac.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>&nbsp; <br /> Posted by starsinmyeyes44</DIV></p><p>Hey Stars, finally I've finished reading your wedding jokes...best of all. Heheheha Ha Ha ....Bwahaha!! </p><h1>Mrs. Wang-Holder gets my vote!! <img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></h1> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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lildreamer

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<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports When Florida State's De'Cody Fagg caught his 7 receptions for 93 yards in Saturday's close one against Troy, the Flumesday Heisman-watch officially began.&nbsp; I briefly considered buying the web domain ..............Posted by star_sirius</DIV></p><p>cut for berevity sake...</p><p>these might be a little crude and I do apologize&nbsp; - but hey, they still give a chuckle</p><p>Definition of a loser:</p><p>A man who can't get it in his own wet dream....</p><p>A man who can't get it from his own inflatable doll...</p><p><img src="http://sitelife.space.com/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" /></p><p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> </div>
 
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bearack

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<p><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What is a Yankee?&nbsp;</span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#003300;font-family:Arial"><span>&nbsp;</span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.</span></strong></p><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">The position of the dirt bag</span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Doughnuts </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Why is air a lot like sex? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What do attorneys use for birth control? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Their personalities.</span></strong><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">&nbsp;</font></p></span><p><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">10 years and 45 lbs</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">45 minutes</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><font face="Times New Roman"><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:'Verdana'">What's the fastest way to a man's heart?</span></strong></font><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Through his chest with a sharp knife</span></strong></p></span><p><strong></strong><span style="color:red"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">&nbsp;</font></span><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Why do men want to marry virgins? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">They can't stand criticism</span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma">&nbsp;</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Because those men already have boyfriends.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">After a year, the dog is still excited to see you </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Because they have cotton balls.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">A porcupine has th e pricks on the outside.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? </span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Mace will do that to you.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Breasts don't have eyes. </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses </span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">it.</span></strong><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">&nbsp;</font></p></span><p><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">Where does an Irish family go on vacation? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">A different bar.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">A speech impediment.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><p><br /><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? </span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">They're hiring. </span></strong></p></span><strong></strong><strong></strong><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"><p><br />How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? <span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana"> </span></strong></p></span></strong><p><strong></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:18pt;color:#000040;font-family:Verdana">What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? </span></strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:blue;font-family:Tahoma"><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:10pt;color:red;font-family:Verdana">A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins :<em><u><span style="font-family:Verdana">"Y'all ain't gonna believe this chit....</span></u></em></span></strong><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">&nbsp;</font></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><br /><img id="06322a8d-f18d-4ab1-8ea7-150275a4cb53" src="http://sitelife.space.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/6/14/06322a8d-f18d-4ab1-8ea7-150275a4cb53.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y299/briancol/abolition.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://i28.tinypic.com/4tq1k0.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y5/LadyJan/dontsetpanstonfire.gif" border="0" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y32/angieembling/image0088889.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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cosmictraveler

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<p>&nbsp;</p><p><font size="4">George is always funny...</font></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>It does not require many words to speak the truth. Chief Joseph</p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y299/briancol/dancing.gif" border="0" alt="" /></p><p><br /> <img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/7/9/b74e8427-9f18-4b2c-89e3-4c839492ed7c.Medium.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/6/2/564eb873-f723-4ceb-924a-5fdb62d7a282.Medium.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/2/9b5b79b0-0841-4877-82e1-dbb9c9fb7cc8.Medium.gif" alt="" /> <img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/3/13/739c104a-b17c-49ec-9d3a-15155089cf98.Medium.gif" alt="" /><img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/4/10/b4f1a2a4-19af-49d1-aa7d-238873f5d1ff.Medium.gif" alt="" /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br />&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y299/briancol/globalwarming.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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lildreamer

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<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'> &nbsp; <br />Posted by star_sirius</DIV><br /><br />hmmm makes me think of Monty Python</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhmKJ6mIV1M</p><p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> </div>
 
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cosmictraveler

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<div id="post_message_1848841" class="main_message">It was April the Forty-first, being a quadruple leapyear;<br />I was driving in downtown Atlantis. <br />My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, <br />and it was overheating. <br />So I pulled into a Shell station; they said I'd blown a seal.<br />I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay, pal?"<br /><br />While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar. <br />A real dive. But I knew the owner; he used to play for the dolphins. <br />I said, "HI GILL!" (You have to yell, he's hard of herring.)<br /><br />Chorus:<br />Think I had a wet dream, cruisin' through the Gulf stream.<br />Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wet dream.<br /><br />Gill was also down on his luck. <br />Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. <br />I bellied up to the sandbar; he poured the usual: Rusty Snail, hold <br />the grunion, shaken, not stirred. <br />With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the mako. <br />I slipped him a fin, on porpoise. <br />I was feeling good; I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids,<br />for the halibut.<br /><br />Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. <br />They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal.<br />What sole. Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna,<br />"Salmonchanted Evening", and the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers,<br />Probably there to see the bass player. <br />One of them was this cute little yellowtail, and she was givin' me the eye.<br />So I figured this was my chance for a little fun. <br />You know, piece of Pisces.<br /><br />But she said things I just couldn't fathom. <br />She was too deep, seemed to be under a lot of pressure. <br />Boy, could she drink. She drank like a...<br />She drank a lot.<br />I said, "What's your sign?"<br />She said, "Aquarium."<br />I said, "Great! Let's get tanked!"<br /><br />Chorus<br /><br />I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. <br />I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows."<br />She threw me that same old line: "Not tonight, I got a haddock."<br /><br />And she wasn't kidding, either, cause in came the biggest,<br />meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. <br />He was covered with mussels. He came over to me; he said, "Listen, Shrimp. <br />Don't you come trollin' around here." What a crab. <br />This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes.<br /><br />I turned to him and I said, "Abalone! You're just being shellfish."<br />Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gill,<br />cause he was already on the phone to the cods. <br />The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook.<br />He eels over. It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck,<br />flat as a mackerel, kelpless.<br /><br />I said, "Forget the cods, Gill. This guy's going to need a sturgeon.<br />Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. <br />She came over to me; she said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. <br />What's your name?"<br />I said, "Marlin."<br /><br />Chorus<br /><br />Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner; <br />I took her to dance; I bought her a bouquet of flounders. <br />And then I went home with her.<br />And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the crabs.<br /><br />(Chorus x 2)</div> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>It does not require many words to speak the truth. Chief Joseph</p> </div>
 
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star_sirius

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<p><img src="http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b106/WomansTags/Humour/Our%20World/MonaLisaAfter1weekintheUSA.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="0" color="#10bdee"><strong>A dazzling bluish luminosity from A distant south pacific.</strong></font><p><br /><img id="cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c" src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/15/cb51e87e-8221-424c-8ff2-78c95122196c.Large.jpg" alt="blog post photo" /></p> </div>
 
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