The Problems Superheroes Face

[yevaud]

Based on a post I made in another thread.

Superheroes come in all flavors. But having those superpowers, while just swell when kicking Magador's Iridium-played butt across the local group, may not be so swell the rest of the time. Everything from what happens when telekinetics dream too heavily to when acoustic man has the hicups. How will they deal with it? What arcane issues may develop?

My contribution:

The Fantastic Four

Yes, all is well. Reed Richards and Sue Storm marry. And have children (triplets).

To discover with horror that their superpowers have been inherited by their children. All of them. What they didn't expect, which becomes a major problem for the next 18 years are those children and their powers. What they didn't expect was what they got:

invisible rubber children.

What's yours?

 

[StarRider1701]

One of the reasons I've always loved Spiderman was that he had human, young man problems. In one comic where he and Mary Jane had finally gotten together, Peter suddenly suspects that MJ is fooling around. He see's her go into a cafe and looks inside. Low and behold, she is sitting there with old boyfriend Flash. Not in costume, he walks away, totally dejected, mind totally elsewhere. Not whatching where he is going, he bumps into these two huge, waterfront gorillas, who decide he needs a lesson in manners. They grab him and think they're about to smash this little wimp to a pulp when he basically just shrugs them off. As they go flying, he realizes he's not in costume and has just caused a nice scene on a public street! Very funny! Turns out MJ was using Flash to help her put together a surprise party for Peter. Ooops.

 

[StarRider1701]

Getting gritty here, I've always wondered how a mere human woman could survive a full blown orgasm of Superman? :roll:

 

[yevaud]

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

 

[a_lost_packet_]

...What's yours?

Money.

Superheroes have to have it. But, they spend a great deal of time gallivanting across the known Universe (and a few others) fighting no-goodnicks. So, where do they get it?

Now, some are just rich. That's obvious. Batman is a trust-fund kid. But, not all are so lucky. Spiderman is the lowest of the low - a freelance photographer. His job had to have gone into the crapper after everyone and their brother got mobile phones with cameras in them. I suppose he could join the paparazzi and get some great up-skirt shots of Britney and such. But, that's still only going to pay the bills for a little while. He is in an unfortunate situation where he only gets paid for each product he produces. (At least, he was when last I kept up with it.)

But, what about the rest? What kind of job can a superhero hold down where he's constantly taking two-week vacations to go to Brazil to fight some rampaging giant robot? Are all superheros rich?

A very long time ago, a roleplaying game came out made by Marvel. You built up your own superhero and ran around doing do-gooder type stuff. One of the character generation steps you had to go through was .. your wealth. Luckily for my character, I had a good roll and was rewarded by having an income proportionate to that of a small country. But, others were not so lucky and one could conceivably end up homeless and living under a bridge. What does THAT guy do for cash and what job will take him if he has two-foot thorns growing out of his back and giant bug-eyes? Tech Support?

Note: Some superheroes are "public" and out of the closet, so to speak. So, they may not have to have a real job and simply get paid for promotional speeches or doing advertising for Gillette. Some simply sponge off of the other rich ones like the Thing sponging off of Reid's deep pockets or something. Some join less-than-manly organizations like the Superfriends and live at their headquarters, watching monitors or some other boring task. Still others join cool secret societies like the X-Men but find out that they don't really pay you much and expect you to show up in remote locations at the drop of a hat and risk your life to save a bunch of people that hate you.. Probably not the most enjoyable job.

 

[StarRider1701]

...What's yours?

Money.

Superheroes have to have it. But, they spend a great deal of time gallivanting across the known Universe (and a few others) fighting no-goodnicks. So, where do they get it?

Yes, Spidey(Peter Parker) always had money problems. He contemplated joining a Superhero group (cant think of the Marvel version of Justice League) because the pay was good. That was a funny mag, he ended up not joining, he's too much of a loner. Let's see, other super heroes...

Iron Man - Tony Stark rich, owns own company.
Fantastic 4 - Reed Richards owns own company.
Flash - alter ego was a police forensic scientist.
Thor - alter ego was a doctor.
Ant Man and Wasp, Ant man alter ego was a mad scientist, just not an EVIL mad scientist. :lol:
Superman - Clark was a reporter.
DareDevil - alter ego was a blind lawyer.
Punisher - stole money from Organized Crime Syndicate. After he killed them.
X-Men - Prof X rich.

Most comics, except Spiderman, didn't really dwell on the daily lives of the alter egoes. One of the reasons Spidey was my favorite, you saw so much more of his life than just off bashing the bad guys.

 

[doom_shepherd]

Work the job during the day...
Fight crime at night...
When do you SLEEP???

Again, Batman and other super-rich heroes don't have to deal with this. Other more exotic heroes may not need to sleep. Everybody else will start seeing alien invaders that aren't there (as opposed to the ones that ARE) after a week or so.

Also, healing. Not everybody has Wolverine's healing factor or Supes's invulnerability. But even most of the normals seem to heal awfully fast.

And how about PTSD? There's only so many times you can see a family massacred, or a /city/planet/reality annihilated with all hands before you start to crack.

And then there's humans. No offense, but a lot of people really are jerks who aren't worth putting one's super-butt on the line to save.

I think that new comic "Irredeemable" deals with a superhero who finally has enough of people like that, and he snaps. Which is bad, because he's pretty much that world's Superman.

 

[StarRider1701]

Work the job during the day...
Fight crime at night...
When do you SLEEP???

And then there's humans. No offense, but a lot of people really are jerks who aren't worth putting one's super-butt on the line to save.

I never read DC comics much, Supes and Batman occasionally. Mostly I loved Marvell comics. In most of those, at one point or another the hero confronts that demon, people who "aren't worth saving." Some people are jerks, true. But even most jerks have good qualities. And a superhero simply doesn't have the luxury of time to try to figure out who is "worth saving" and who might not be. Especially when dealing with a super villian. You have to assume that everyone is worth saving, because you're right most of the time.

Heck, if Spidey can save J. J. Jameson's butt (more than once) then he can save anybody!!!

 

[Gravity_Ray]

Superman is flying around and sees a naked wonderwoman lying on her back on her plane sun bathing. He figures, hey I am faster than a speeding bullet. So he zooms down and has intercourse with wonderwoman and zooms away.

As he leaves he hears wonderwoman says "whats wrong honey?" to which the invisible man says "suddenly my bum hurts!"

:shock: :? :lol:

 

[ZenGalacticore]

Mary Jane complains that "Peter's" semen is "too sticky, almost weblike". So she refuses to give him any more "webhead".



:lol:

 

[yevaud]

The date says to The Flash, "you know, being the 'world's fastest man' isn't always a good thing."

 

[drwayne]

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

I remember laughing my posterioir off when I first read that one...

 

[yevaud]

It was in one of Niven's collections, just sort of stuck in between two short stories. Dunno if you remember it. But yep, funny!

 

[drwayne]

I remember it being towards the back of a book, don't remember which. I was a huge mark for Niven (and Pournell)
for many years during my early college days.

One big question that sometimes get addressed - what is the nature of bravery when one can not be harmed.
In this context, having heros all seem to have a certain weakness begins to make sense from a story standpoint.

Wayne

 

[a_lost_packet_]

It was in one of Niven's collections, just sort of stuck in between two short stories. Dunno if you remember it. But yep, funny!

It reminds me of a Michael Moorcock short story - "The Stone Thing." One of the funniest bits of tongue-in-cheek fantasy writing I've ever read. It's a self-parody of over-the-top heroic fantasy heroes... Definitely worth a read.

 

[a_lost_packet_]

One big question that sometimes get addressed - what is the nature of bravery when one can not be harmed. In this context, having heros all seem to have a certain weakness begins to make sense from a story standpoint.

Wayne

Very true. And, most of the comic book characters that are truly "invincible" come to grips with serious character flaws and eventually remove their own abilities because of the damage they could do or the responsibility they would have. Sometimes, they take themselves out of the equation altogether by committing a type of suicide. Omnipotence, for all its desirability, has a very heavy price.

 

[yevaud]

It reminds me of a Michael Moorcock short story - "The Stone Thing." One of the funniest bits of tongue-in-cheek fantasy writing I've ever read. It's a self-parody of over-the-top heroic fantasy heroes... Definitely worth a read.

If you ever get a chance, read Zelazny's Bring Me The Head Of Prince Charming, which is a great story along the same line.

 

[a_lost_packet_]

...If you ever get a chance, read Zelazny's Bring Me The Head Of Prince Charming, which is a great story along the same line.

Deja Vu.. This conversation has occurred before? It seems like you've mentioned that story before. I'll have to find an anthology with the story in it.

 

[yevaud]

I'm fairly certain I have mentioned that story once or twice over the years, yeah.

 

[CalliArcale]

The money issue; yeah, most superheros really need a funding source, but their writers aren't always keen to provide them with one. One does wonder how Peter Parker will fare in the collapse of the newspaper industry. Will he become a blogger, desperate for ad revenue?

"Watchmen" was of course intended to highlight the *real* problems *real* superheros would face, with a particular focus on the psychological aspects. Seriously, somebody who dresses up in a costume to punch out crooks has some issues. But one of the characters deals with the money issue by *not* dealing with it. While Ozymandias is absurdly wealthy, Nite Owl II is independently wealthy, and Dr Manhattan, Silk Spectre II, and the Comedian are government funded, one character goes it alone: Rorshach, of course. When we finally learn his legal identity, we find that he's about a gnat's eyebrow away from "homeless bum". His day job, if you can call it that, is walking up and down the street with a sign warning that the end is nigh. So he's an oddball -- a superhero who lives in abject poverty, mostly because he just doesn't care, and his methods don't require a whole lot in the way of funds. Give me smallest finger on man's hand. I'll produce information. Computer unnecessary. This face, all that's necessary... all I need.

 

[StarRider1701]

Seriously, somebody who dresses up in a costume to punch out crooks has some issues.

CALLI!!! I'm amazed. I've never heard you be this wrong before! I'm shocked.

Somebody who dresses up in a costume to punch out crooks has some POWER! And has chosen to use that power in a good way rather than be harmful or destructive. How do you get that they have "issues" out of them choosing to be good rather than bad? To quote Peter Parkers dear departed uncle Ben, "With power comes responsibility."

Or to put it another way, how does choosing to do good when I have the ability to do either good or bad give me "issues"?

 

[lampblack]

Work the job during the day...
Fight crime at night...
When do you SLEEP???

Spidey's got it covered. Folks forget that he's a freelancer, and not a full-time employee of the newspaper like Clark Kent is. So, he pretty much sets his own hours.

Clark's situation is more problematic. Anyone who's ever worked for a newspaper will tell you that it tends to consume your life. Many of his stories for the Daily Planet involve "covering" Superman, and that's a helpful cover. But unless the paper has a full-blown Super Man beat, he'd never have the time to balance the day job with the whole fighting-evil-doers thing. Not unless he's done more of the whipping-around-the-planet-to-travel-in-time thing than has been obvious.

 

[lampblack]

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

Yevaud... I suppose I can confess to this august gathering that as a teenager, I deliberated the questions surrounding Super Man's sex life for hours one evening with a friend. Our conclusions were... well... inconclusive. Neither of us thought things through half as well as Niven did. Thanks for sharing the essay!

 

[CalliArcale]

Seriously, somebody who dresses up in a costume to punch out crooks has some issues.

CALLI!!! I'm amazed. I've never heard you be this wrong before! I'm shocked.

Somebody who dresses up in a costume to punch out crooks has some POWER! And has chosen to use that power in a good way rather than be harmful or destructive. How do you get that they have "issues" out of them choosing to be good rather than bad? To quote Peter Parkers dear departed uncle Ben, "With power comes responsibility."

Or to put it another way, how does choosing to do good when I have the ability to do either good or bad give me "issues"?

I was using that as a stepping off point to discuss "Watchmen" -- that's basically the premise.

I'm a fan of costumed superhero stories, actually. My personal favorite is Batman. The very best of all the costumed superheros, and I will defend that position to the end!

(Well, my favorite superhero, overall, is the Doctor. But he's an alien and consequently a horse of another color altogether.)

 

[lampblack]

My personal favorite is Batman. The very best of all the costumed superheros, and I will defend that position to the end!

Well, this raises the perennial question: if Batman and Superman got into a fight, who do you suppose would win? And who'd limp away with his leathery wings tucked between his legs?