Top 10 things that would never happen on the Enterprise

[coeptus]

<p>&nbsp;</p><p>10) Dr. Crusher commits medical malpractice</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>9) Geordi screws up repairing the toilets and floods the bridge with poo</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>8) Riker gets VD from an alien </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>7) Picard dents up the shuttlecraft docking in the hanger bay </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>6) Greasy finger prints on the viewscreen</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>5) ships computer struggling to boot up Vista</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>4) Riker making 'rabbit ears' while standing behind Picard talking to Romulans</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>3) Data unable to program TIVO to record Picards favorite soap opera, Days of Our Lives</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>2) gay Klingons</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>1) 'expendable' crewman beams down from ship wearing kevlar body armor</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><br /> <img src="http://sitelife.space.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/3/12/b3b6d378-9284-4a1b-8c4b-b7ae8eb8fb86.Medium.jpg" alt="" /></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#ff00ff">If not for bad Pluck, I'd have no Pluck at all . . .</font></p><p> </p><p><font color="#0000ff">This is your vogon, posting under coeptus, and trying IE and Firefox  to see if either is faster with fewer misloads.  Erf !!</font></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p> </div>

 

[scottb50]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>&nbsp;10) Dr. Crusher commits medical malpractice&nbsp;9) Geordi screws up repairing the toilets and floods the bridge with poo&nbsp;8) Riker gets VD from an alien &nbsp;7) Picard dents up the shuttlecraft docking in the hanger bay &nbsp;6) Greasy finger prints on the viewscreen&nbsp;5) ships computer struggling to boot up Vista&nbsp;4) Riker making 'rabbit ears' while standing behind Picard talking to Romulans&nbsp;3) Data unable to program TIVO to record Picards favorite soap opera, Days of Our Lives&nbsp;2) gay Klingons&nbsp;1) 'expendable' crewman beams down from ship wearing kevlar body armor&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /> Posted by coeptus</DIV></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>You must be on someones list after all. All I see is dashes for this topic! Is there a problem with the hyperspace engineers union going on or something? Is the Lazy B a Vogan front? The 787 was really paper machee, they're really building toll booths for&nbsp; throughway.&nbsp; </p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> </div>

 

[coeptus]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>&nbsp;You must be on someones list after all. All I see is dashes for this topic! Is there a problem with the hyperspace engineers union going on or something? Is the Lazy B a Vogan front? The 787 was really paper machee, they're really building toll booths for&nbsp; throughway.&nbsp; <br /> Posted by scottb50</DIV></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>[ We can rule out any malfunction with Pluck.&nbsp; You probably subconciously went into your computer settings and screwed up something. ]</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>11) Smoking lounge off the bridge</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>12) segregated mess hall (aliens in the back)</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>13) bilge tanks</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp; </p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#ff00ff">If not for bad Pluck, I'd have no Pluck at all . . .</font></p><p> </p><p><font color="#0000ff">This is your vogon, posting under coeptus, and trying IE and Firefox  to see if either is faster with fewer misloads.  Erf !!</font></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p> </div>

 

[a_lost_packet_]

<p>14) The Ship's computer finally decides to save the crew from themselves and shoves Wesley out an airlock.</p><p>15) Gordi gets caught adjusting his visor for "X-Ray" vision.&nbsp; "<em>But Captain, it's just for diagnostics</em>!" </p><p>16) Reicher's testicles finally explode in a storm of "Manlymanliness" that takes half of the bridge crew with it.</p><p>17) After one too many sessions sipping Earl Gray tea and watching "The Hardy Boys Adventures" with Wesley, Picard is sent to a re-education facility where he ends up stuck on the northbound end of a northbound Gorn.&nbsp; "<em>Picardss, hass you ever watchess glorniator movies</em>ssszz?"</p><p>18) The Klingons finally make peace with everyone, shave their heads, don robes and become an instant nuissance in every Starport in the Federation. "<em>Krishna Krishna Hari Kari Donate Or I'll Cut Your Eye Out..</em>." (Enterprise conspicously absent, Worf commandeers the ship and declares war on himself.)</p><p>19) "Q" makes an appearance and gives everyone in the crew "Rubik's Cubes."&nbsp; He demands they solve their puzzles within the hour or he will destroy the Federation.&nbsp; He doesn't point out that he has changed all the stickers around.&nbsp; Hilarity ensues.</p><p>20) The Enterprise goes back in time to solve a dilemma but, before they can begin, a forthright English Colonel with her Majesty's Army appears, declares the skit to be "Entirely too silly" and forces the crew out the airlocks.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><br /> <img src="http://sitelife.space.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/10/1/4a056221-8bd3-462b-b187-33834ef9652b.Medium.jpg" alt="" /><br />&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font size="1">I put on my robe and wizard hat...</font> </div>

 

[lampblack]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'> 8) Riker gets VD from an alien.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /> Posted by coeptus</DIV></p><p><font size="2">As I recall, that actually happened to Ensign Kim on Voyager -- sort of.</font></p><p><font size="2">He frolicked with a comely lass -- and got busted for it when the two of them started exhibiting rather strange "I slept with an alien" symptoms. </font></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font color="#0000ff"><strong>Just tell the truth and let the chips fall...</strong></font> </div>

 

[Mee_n_Mac]

<p>21)&nbsp; A maintenance crewman is seen vacuuming the hallway and complaining about Data's cat leaving it's [expletive pre-emptively deleted] hair everywhere. </p><p>22) Counsellor Troi has a several minute long farting attack during a crucial discussion with Capt Picard on the emotional content of some alien's death incantation.</p><p>23) Data analyzing aforementioned gaseous emissions announces that "Counsellor Troi should stay away from the Spican chocolate pudding".</p><p>24) Doctor Crusher performs routine prostate exam on Picard who then bleats out "I see 5 lights !!!"</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>-----------------------------------------------------</p><p><font color="#ff0000">Ask not what your Forum Software can do do on you,</font></p><p><font color="#ff0000">Ask it to, please for the love of all that's Holy, <strong>STOP</strong> !</font></p> </div>

 

[coeptus]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>21)&nbsp; A maintenance crewman is seen vacuuming the hallway and complaining about Data's cat leaving it's [expletive pre-emptively deleted] hair everywhere. 22) Counsellor Troi has a several minute long farting attack during a crucial discussion with Capt Picard on the emotional content of some alien's death incantation.23) Data analyzing aforementioned gaseous emissions announces that "Counsellor Troi should stay away from the Spican chocolate pudding".24) Doctor Crusher performs routine prostate exam on Picard who then bleats out "I see 5 lights !!!" <br /> Posted by mee_n_mac</DIV></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>How about;</p><p>24) While Doctor Crusher performs a routine prostate exam on Picard, she is suddenly assimilated !!!</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#ff00ff">If not for bad Pluck, I'd have no Pluck at all . . .</font></p><p> </p><p><font color="#0000ff">This is your vogon, posting under coeptus, and trying IE and Firefox  to see if either is faster with fewer misloads.  Erf !!</font></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p> </div>

 

[gawin]

25) Data gets replaced by a hard light hologram named Rimmer

 

[Mee_n_Mac]

26) Data and Riker go to Risa where Data steals Riker's latest conquest away using the line "Androids are Luuuv Machines" while wearing a T shirt saying "Droids do it Deeper !". <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>-----------------------------------------------------</p><p><font color="#ff0000">Ask not what your Forum Software can do do on you,</font></p><p><font color="#ff0000">Ask it to, please for the love of all that's Holy, <strong>STOP</strong> !</font></p> </div>

 

[ZenGalacticore]

<p>At least two things you'd never see on Star Trek TNG:</p><p>1. Less talking, more action.</p><p>2. Female officers and personnel in mini-skirts or anything approaching sexy.</p><p>3. A token black guy <em>without </em>an air-filter on his face.</p><p>Woops, that's three things.</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>ZenGalacticore</p> </div>

 

[ZenGalacticore]

Oh yeah. Whoopi Goldberg shaving off those disgusting dreadlocks so she wouldn't have to wear those silly hats to 'hide' the damn ugly things. And if you think I'm being racist, or more accurately, a Euro-Culturalist, why then did the network and producers think she had to hide her locks in the first place? For that matter, why in the hell did they hire her to be a 24th Century starship bartender in the second place? It made an already bad show even worse. I liked her in 'Ghost' though. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>ZenGalacticore</p> </div>

 

[Mee_n_Mac]

27) A "head", aka a public restroom ... where are they ? Is everyone supposed to go back to their quarters ???? <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>-----------------------------------------------------</p><p><font color="#ff0000">Ask not what your Forum Software can do do on you,</font></p><p><font color="#ff0000">Ask it to, please for the love of all that's Holy, <strong>STOP</strong> !</font></p> </div>

 

[ZenGalacticore]

'Data' getting a tan. Did he ever? Maybe a sunburn. I've never been able to get through one episode of TNG so I wouldn't know. It's a good show to watch if you have insomnia though. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>ZenGalacticore</p> </div>

 

[lampblack]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>'Data' getting a tan. Did he ever? Maybe a sunburn. I've never been able to get through one episode of TNG so I wouldn't know. It's a good show to watch if you have insomnia though. <br /> Posted by ZenGalacticore</DIV></p><p><font size="2">He's taken some pretty hard radiation a time or two. But no tan.</font></p><p><font size="2">&nbsp;</font></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font color="#0000ff"><strong>Just tell the truth and let the chips fall...</strong></font> </div>

 

[kelvinzero]

28) While travelling through deep space the Enterprise encounters an upside-down ship... or is that disqualified for applying to every SF ever?

 

[kelvinzero]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>27) A "head", aka a public restroom ... where are they ? Is everyone supposed to go back to their quarters ???? <br />Posted by Mee_n_Mac</DIV></p><p>I think they just teleport it out, anywhere, anytime.&nbsp;It is&nbsp;recommended to stand very still though. Easily disguised as a&nbsp;dramatic pause.<br /></p>

 

[neomaine]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>I think they just teleport it out, anywhere, anytime.&nbsp;It is&nbsp;recommended to stand very still though. Easily disguised as a&nbsp;dramatic pause. <br />Posted by kelvinzero</DIV><br /><br />And here I was thinking that Shatner's delivery was from his acting heritage.&nbsp; It was just Cap'n Kirk pausing every few syllables because he was.... well...&nbsp;full of crap!</p><p>Someone will have to post this on Wikipedia so it can be considered canon...</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><br />Have a good one,<br /><br />neomaine<br /><br />Folding@Home home page:<br />http://folding.stanford.edu/<br /><br />Folding@Home download page:<br />http://folding.stanford.edu/English/Download<br /><br />Folding@Home Team 10993 Stats at ExtremeOverclocking:<br />http://folding.extremeoverclocking.com/team_summary.php?s=&t=10993</p> </div>

 

[lampblack]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>28) While travelling through deep space the Enterprise encounters an upside-down ship... or is that disqualified for applying to every SF ever? <br /> Posted by kelvinzero</DIV></p><p>&nbsp;<font size="2">Yeah... I've pointed this out before. It's amazing, isn't it? The Enterprise can swoop in from Point A -- and a Romulan Warbird can swoop in from Point B (some umpty-hundreds of light years distant) -- and somehow each ship is right-side-up relative to the other when they meet.</font></p><p><font size="2">Maybe everyone's tapping into some sort of galaxy-wide attitude adjustment beacon. Eh?</font></p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <font color="#0000ff"><strong>Just tell the truth and let the chips fall...</strong></font> </div>

 

[ZenGalacticore]

Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>&nbsp;Yeah... I've pointed this out before. It's amazing, isn't it? The Enterprise can swoop in from Point A -- and a Romulan Warbird can swoop in from Point B (some umpty-hundreds of light years distant) -- and somehow each ship is right-side-up relative to the other when they meet.Maybe everyone's tapping into some sort of galaxy-wide attitude adjustment beacon. Eh? <br />Posted by lampblack</DIV><br /><br />No worse than 'Star Wars'' dogfights in 0 gravity. Woe, is that Tie Fighter 'above' Luke or 'below' him? <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>ZenGalacticore</p> </div>

 

[Alurea]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>Oh yeah. Whoopi Goldberg shaving off those disgusting dreadlocks so she wouldn't have to wear those silly hats to 'hide' the damn ugly things. And if you think I'm being racist, or more accurately, a Euro-Culturalist, why then did the network and producers think she had to hide her locks in the first place? For that matter, why in the hell did they hire her to be a 24th Century starship bartender in the second place? It made an already bad show even worse. I liked her in 'Ghost' though. <br />Posted by ZenGalacticore</DIV><br /><br />Whaaaa?&nbsp; Shut your mouth!&nbsp; Guinan was awesome!&nbsp; </p><p>I *heart* Guinan.</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> </div>

 

[ZenGalacticore]

She was boring, as was the show. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>ZenGalacticore</p> </div>

 

[Alurea]

<p><BR/>Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>She was boring, as was the show. <br />Posted by ZenGalacticore</DIV><br /><br />I protest!&nbsp; I love her character and I adored the show.&nbsp; <img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />&nbsp; For me, Guinan was like that wise great aunt who you could talk to and who always understood you.&nbsp; She knew the answer to almost everything and that was so cool.&nbsp; <br />Data, Guinan, Troi, and Wesley Crusher were my fav characters.&nbsp; I should mention that I started watching the show when I was 12 so maybe it's different for those who saw it as adults.&nbsp; ST:TNG will always hold a special place in my heart. </p><p>In keeping with the thread, I wish I could add something to the list of things that would never happen on the&nbsp;Enterprise.&nbsp; Unfortunately, I'm not that clever.&nbsp; <img src="http://sitelife.livescience.com/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> </div>

 

[vogon13]

<p>&nbsp;</p><p>Why with all the thousands of medical challenges encountered across the galaxy is an enema never the cure for anything ??</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#ff0000"><strong>TPTB went to Dallas and all I got was Plucked !!</strong></font></p><p><font color="#339966"><strong>So many people, so few recipes !!</strong></font></p><p><font color="#0000ff"><strong>Let's clean up this stinkhole !!</strong></font> </p> </div>

 

[junkheap]

Someone saying, "We'll have to sync up our orbits and align our orbital planes to make the&nbsp;rendevous."

 

[ZenGalacticore]

Replying to:<BR/><DIV CLASS='Discussion_PostQuote'>I protest!&nbsp; I love her character and I adored the show.&nbsp; &nbsp; For me, Guinan was like that wise great aunt who you could talk to and who always understood you.&nbsp; She knew the answer to almost everything and that was so cool.&nbsp; Data, Guinan, Troi, and Wesley Crusher were my fav characters.&nbsp; I should mention that I started watching the show when I was 12 so maybe it's different for those who saw it as adults.&nbsp; ST:TNG will always hold a special place in my heart. In keeping with the thread, I wish I could add something to the list of things that would never happen on the&nbsp;Enterprise.&nbsp; Unfortunately, I'm not that clever.&nbsp; &nbsp; <br />Posted by Alurea</DIV><br /><br />I'm actually glad that anybody, especially young people, are in to any kind of science fiction at all. Data's cool, Troi's hot, but the TNG, IMHO, was, over all, a boring show. Capt. Kirk and company, were much more exciting little girl. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>ZenGalacticore</p> </div>