another story

[spacefire]

I called this one Backup, and it was to be the first chapter of a book project I abandoned, while 'Waiting in the Desert' would've been a prologue of sorts.<br /><br /><br />Helen Jones was still utterly puzzled. She had been puzzled ever since she had been told she was part of the crew of the first manned mission to Mars. Lots of ‘M’s there, and after the decision had been made public, she started to enjoy the way those three words were rolling inside her mouth or her mind, like seldom indulged delicious morsels of chocolate. <br />The choices for the crew and their backups didn’t make any sense. Twelve men and twelve women, six of each sex making up the prime crew and the rest their backups. Out of the pool of two hundred candidates who had been training together, hoping and praying, until the last moment, the chosen were definitely not the most accomplished scientists, nor the most qualified engineers. If fact, Helen thought as she reviewed their faces, they were some of the youngest and in best physical shape. It was almost as if they intended to make the entire mission a reality show. Which, come to think of it, was not that far-fetched.<br />They were all assembled inside the spacious inflatable module docked to the spaceship which would take twelve lucky human beings to Mars. On the other side of the cylindrical airbag was a capsule, which would take the twelve not so lucky backups (unless something happened to one of the primes) back to Earth. However, even the backups had something to be proud of. At the moment, the twenty-four people floating around sipping drinks were the only human beings outside of the planet’s atmosphere.<br />Still, Helen thought it was kind of cruel to have the backups take part in the reception preceding the launch, only two days away. They were all to be addressed directly by the president, receive congratulations and best wishes, and yet, half of them would return to Earth, back to their ordinary lives, in 48 hours. What a disappointmen <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>http://asteroid-invasion.blogspot.com</p><p>http://www.solvengineer.com/asteroid-invasion.html </p><p> </p> </div>

 

[relaisterre]

Same comment as I made in your previous story: put more energy into creating living, believable characters rather than getting a point across. Also, careful with the "she". She did this, she did that... it's like a pronoun bomb went off in there. Try structuring your sentences differently so there's less need for pronouns.

 

[spacefire]

you're right...I need to watch out for that. Maybe if I transpose myself in the crharacter more, the prose would not require these constructions anymore. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>http://asteroid-invasion.blogspot.com</p><p>http://www.solvengineer.com/asteroid-invasion.html </p><p> </p> </div>

 

[relaisterre]

Transposing yourself into your characters? Yes, maybe that can help you. We all have to find what works best for us. I either transpose myself in my characters, or feel like a movie director when I write. This brings me a lot of fun. I walk around a lot in my room, in front of my pen and papers, almost giving instructions to the "actors" of my stories. Of course, I don't talk outloud, but it's still a "physical" involvement nontheless.<br /><br />For example, if I have to write a fistfight sequence, I'll try to visualize how my main character would fight, according to his personality. Or in a bar brawl, how would his friends fight at his side against a bunch of drunken bad guys? How would an enemy would fight him? If my hero is pitted against a bloated fat guy, it won't be the same as if he spilled beer on an athletic, fast moving opponent. And if you were to walk on me in my room as I'm writing such scenes, you'd see me pacing the floor, sometimes frantically scribling something on a piece of paper, and/or throwing a phantom punch in the air. Yes, I do look crazy. But I like it.<br /><br />Oh, another trick we learned : read your stories out loud, either for yourself, or in front of other people. We had to do that in our writing classes and it helps a lot. Also, purchase a small tape machine at your local electronic store and record yourself while reading your stories outloud. This is an incredibly powerful tool that's easy to use. With this method, you'll instantly spot the good (or bad) pacing of your writing, you'll pinpoint a useless pause or comma, you'll hear your characters speak, etc, etc... And in doing that, your strengths (and weaknesses) will ring into your ears. With practice, you'll learn to conduct the pacing and tempo of your words as a conductor does with an orchestra. It'll really help you with sentence structure and good use of pronouns.<br /><br />Here's a basic exercice for writers:<br /><br />1) Name 10 authors you care about, and f

 

[spacefire]

whoa, nice idea. I'll save this post. Thanks very much.<br /><br />I enjoy visualizing the story (with a preset plot that includes only broad directions) through the character's eyes, revealing his/her thoughts as the story flows. But <br />I also see myself as a movie director at times. What you suggested makes a lot of sense. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>http://asteroid-invasion.blogspot.com</p><p>http://www.solvengineer.com/asteroid-invasion.html </p><p> </p> </div>