Review of the Phantom Menace Pt.1

[ZenGalacticore]

Someone posted this in Free Space several months ago. Thought I'd repost it for those who missed it.


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI[/youtube]

 

[a_lost_packet_]

Someone posted this in Free Space several months ago. Thought I'd repost it for those who missed it. ..

That might have been me. I posted several of those. His movie reviews are... downright hilarious! And, they are also extremely accurate and very insightful. The guy knows his stuff, but he chooses a unique style to get his message across. He's awesome.

His site and reviews on Star Wars, Star Trek, Avatar, etc.. Check his Youtube channel as well.

http://www.redlettermedia.com/plinkett.html

 

[ZenGalacticore]

Alp- Yep, it was you, come to think of it. I thought you'd posted it in FS, but it may have been here.

Anywho, when Jason mentioned SW I, II, and III in his 3D thread, I felt compelled to repost this guy's satire. He's right on the money and speaks for tens of millions of SW fans that absolutely hate and abhor those horrible sorry excuses for Star Wars movies.

If the originals weren't so dang good, these later ones could almost taint and pollute the entire franchise. Buried in his billions, George Lucas has lost his mind.

 

[a_lost_packet_]

...Anywho, when Jason mentioned SW I, II, and III in his 3D thread, I felt compelled to repost this guy's satire. He's right on the money and speaks for tens of millions of SW fans that absolutely hate and abhor those horrible sorry excuses for Star Wars movies.

If the originals weren't so dang good, these later ones could almost taint and pollute the entire franchise. Buried in his billions, George Lucas has lost his mind.

I agree.

Not only has Lucas lost his mind, he has repeatedly shown his true colors. I don't mind anyone making money. But, if they gold-plate garbage and try to sell it as art, I will have something to say about it.

By the way, I saw that Phantom Menace review a long time ago and.. it has been edited. At least, I didn't find some of the criticisms mentioned as strongly.

In the part where he shows how Lucus originally envisioned the main characters with Obi-Wan being a wise lizard guy, etc.. He mentioned that the studio or producers threw Lucas's ideas for that right out the window and told him to STFU. Then, they hired OTHER people to "fix" all the problems with Lucas's original Star Wars script, especially all the crappy realizations he had for the characters. It may be that he had no basis for such claims. Or, that someone threatened him with a lawsuit...

In other words, the conclusion from that review was that the only reason that the original Star Wars didn't suck was because Lucas did not have as much creative license. Apparently, the more power Lucas gets in making the movies, the more his Star Wars franchise sucks... But, all of that was cut from the latest version of the Phantom Menace Review. The only thing left from that segment is the commentary regarding the original realizations and artist sketches of the main characters in the story as Lucas had wrongheadedly envisioned them.

Now, I'm not poo-pooing all over Lucas. He has done some great work. But, his handling (or mishandling) of the Star Wars franchise is painfully obvious. It could have been one of the greatest stories of our Age, right up there with King Arthur, Arabian Nights, Lord of the Rings, Debbie Does Dallas... But, Noooooo.. he wankered it all to heck and back trying to fit in as many toy merchandising opportunities and eye-numbing special effects as he could to the detriment of actual stories... Which it didn't have any of since he had a lot to do with writing them...

 

[ZenGalacticore]

They were just plain awful. Waaaaaaaay too much stuff going on, with no cohesive story, or story at all.

And I happen to think that the external space scenes in the originals where they used scale models with the blue screen are infinitely superior to all that computer-generated crud. The space scenes in IV and V look far more realistic than the later ones.

And it's not like money is a problem or obstacle for this guy. But in the long run, the ease of computer generated imagery and special effects is probably a good thing, since people in their garage with a few computers and a whatchamacallit room, are already able to do them, so Hollywood will have to get back to actually telling good stories!

And I love how this guy (the satirist) showed that clip of Lucas saying, "Special effects mean nothing without a good story", or something to that effect. I remember Lucas saying that in the "Making of Star Wars" docs of the late 70s. How totally appropriate that this excellent lampooner put that clip in his "review".

 

[a_lost_packet_]

They were just plain awful. Waaaaaaaay too much stuff going on, with no cohesive story, or story at all.

I agree completely. A good story doesn't need any of what Lucus regurgitated onto the screen. There are plenty of great stories that take place in one room.

And I happen to think that the external space scenes in the originals where they used scale models with the blue screen are infinitely superior to all that computer-generated crud. The space scenes in IV and V look far more realistic than the later ones.

That can be a problem in 3d. Sometimes, all the 3D work ends up looking "flat." It's extremely difficult to get believable 3D. I think that they did an awesome job with some of the 3D in the Star Wars movies. But, as the reviewer noted, it's missing something. IMO, it's missing "grit." There's no meat to the effects, there's no "reality" in them. Battlestar Galactica's 3D work is outstanding. It has "grit." Similarly, so did Babylon 5's though it suffered a little bit in spots. Some of the Star Trek work is very nicely done as well. But, despite being a fan of some of the artists, some of what was done in the Transformer's movies simply had too much "grit."

And it's not like money is a problem or obstacle for this guy. But in the long run, the ease of computer generated imagery and special effects is probably a good thing, since people in their garage with a few computers and a whatchamacallit room, are already able to do them, so Hollywood will have to get back to actually telling good stories!

Don't we all wish that Hollywood actually had competition that made them not only give a good presentation, but tell good stories as well! But, some of that is our fault. We, collectively, pay hard cash for 'splosions and eye-candy. So much so that we've acted as an environmental forcer, pushing Hollywood's evolution away from good stories and into the realm of "visual feasts."

And I love how this guy (the satirist) showed that clip of Lucas saying, "Special effects mean nothing without a good story", or something to that effect. I remember Lucas saying that in the "Making of Star Wars" docs of the late 70s. How totally appropriate that this excellent lampooner put that clip in his "review".

Yeah, that was a real coup. Loved that part too!

 

[brandbll]

Wow, that sucks that they made him edit it. Pretty sad too.

 

[a_lost_packet_]

Wow, that sucks that they made him edit it. Pretty sad too.

I think they did. But, I can't be sure. I just didn't see some bits that I remember seeing the first time I watched it. Maybe it was too controversial? After all, telling an audience that Lucas was forced by the producers of the first Star Wars to turn over some of the writing and character work over to a "pro" is a pretty big deal. Then, claiming that's the only reason any of the movies did well is definitely a slap in the face. Finally, claiming that all the prequels were horrid is due to Lucas having total control... Well, three time's a charm.. It may have been a bit too much.

 

[ZenGalacticore]

Alp- But Lucas did have total control over the prequels, did he not? Or at least almost, virtual, total control.

If it's all yours and it's crap, it's YOUR crap! :lol:

Good God, those movies were sooooooo bad! They were sooo bad, that the next time I watch the originals and Darth Vader comes on, I hope I don't picture him as that sniveling, whining, shallow, narcissistic, complaining, ***** of a kid who played the young-adult Aniken. "You're jealous of my power." So bad.

And the alleged "love" between him and Padlock? Oh yeah, that was believable. Very moving in a plastic, strained, totally fake kind of way. ( "The only thing good in this movie is Natalie Portman's mid-riff"! ) :lol:

I mean come on, one would think that even the nerdy "fanboys" of these prequels would know that if a movie doesn't grab you in the first 5 or 10 minutes, it ain't never gonna grab you.

About one of the only scenes I remember liking was the Wookie Planet battle scene with all the Wookies. But even that, they ruined after a few minutes. But it was cool for a moment to see Chewbacca's "people".

Seriously, people, let's think about that for a moment. How many memorable scenes were there in the REAL Star Wars movies? Countless memorable scenes. The very opening scene in IV, the Death Star battle; the Cantina Scene (Actually, all three sub-scenes in the Cantina Scene); almost all of the interior Death Star scenes, especially when Luke tells Han about the Princess, the Imperial Brass scenes at "Governor Tark's Roundtable", the fight between Vader and Ben, all of it!

How many 'memorable' scenes in these I, II, and III sewage?

 

[a_lost_packet_]

...How many 'memorable' scenes in these I, II, and III sewage?

I don't remember any "good" scenes in any of those movies. I can only remember them for how bad they were...

"This is the scene where I threw up because of the crappy dialogue."
"Here's where I threw popcorn at the screen."
"During this scene, I was hitting myself in the head with a hammer and screaming profanities."
"Here's the scene where I tried to convince the guy next to me that Lucas was the Devil."
"This is where the security guards finally managed to remove me from the theater."