Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate Star Trek

[love2grow2live]

1. A simple seatbelt would prevent the crew from constantly flopping around the deck.<br /><br />2. It makes no sense for the senior officers to always be leaving the ship to go on dangerous missions. They should have a dedicated special forces team for this purpose, a galactic equivalent of a Navy SEAL team, if you will.<br /><br />3. Beaming into a hostile environment without having your weapon at the ready is like waiting for a baseball to be pitched without holding up your bat.<br /><br />4. Why does Data see a medic whenever he malfunctions? Shouldn't he see a mechanic?<br /><br />5. They can beam anyone anywhere at anytime, unless there is still another half-hour of air time to fill, then the transporter always malfunctions.<br /><br />6. Are those supposed to be aliens? They are remarkably similar to human beings.<br /><br />7. How can the universal translator translate a language which has never been encountered before into perfect english?<br /><br />8. Don't let that apparently thick klingon skull stop you from knocking his ass out with a weak backhand punch.<br /><br />9. They always develop groundbreaking new theories and technologies within minutes, sometimes seconds, in order to solve the latest crisis.<br /><br />10. Am I the only one who thinks Troi's mother is incredibly annoying?

 

[larper]

You do realize that it is a TV show made for entertainment, right? It is not a documentary. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><strong><font color="#ff0000">Vote </font><font color="#3366ff">Libertarian</font></strong></p> </div>

 

[MeteorWayne]

I know it is only a TV show, however I agree with all but #8.<br />I'm not messing with a Klingon uless he's my friend <img src="/images/icons/crazy.gif" /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#000080"><em><font color="#000000">But the Krell forgot one thing John. Monsters. Monsters from the Id.</font></em> </font></p><p><font color="#000080">I really, really, really, really miss the "first unread post" function</font><font color="#000080"> </font></p> </div>

 

[yevaud]

<font color="orange">1. A simple seatbelt would prevent the crew from constantly flopping around the deck.</font><br /><br /><i>"Inertial Dampeners" are supposed to take care of that....except when they don't. You usually hear Data holler 'Intertial Dampeners are off-line!' when the flopping begins.</i><br /><br />That one always got me. Because at the pseudovelocities the Enterprise was supposed to be travelling at, a failure of the ID system would have instantly turned the entire crew into a thin smear of raspberry jam on the aft bulkheads. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><em>Differential Diagnosis:  </em>"<strong><em>I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are</em></strong>."<br /> </p> </div>

 

[MeteorWayne]

Like SPACEBALLS! <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#000080"><em><font color="#000000">But the Krell forgot one thing John. Monsters. Monsters from the Id.</font></em> </font></p><p><font color="#000080">I really, really, really, really miss the "first unread post" function</font><font color="#000080"> </font></p> </div>

 

[yevaud]

<img src="/images/icons/wink.gif" /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><em>Differential Diagnosis:  </em>"<strong><em>I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are</em></strong>."<br /> </p> </div>

 

[Saiph]

#1, definetly, even with inertial dampeners, you think that they'd be used anyway in combat situations since they tend to go offline so frequently.<br /><br /><br />Here's my big issue: THEY DON"T LEARN!<br /><br />They never fix, or even discuss the exploding bridge consoles of doom!<br /><br />They never address why the people in red shirts die more often then other colored uniforms.<br /><br />They invent some radical new technology, develope a cutting edge theory, discover/exploit some subtle weakness....only to never do it again. Enterprise was a big culprite here. Once they were boarded, they teleported stun grenades to the invaders. Another time, they were taken over by 3 ferengi with a rifle.<br /><br /><br />Lets see, how many times will they allow the holodeck to become lethal before they just stop using it?<br /><br /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p align="center"><font color="#c0c0c0"><br /></font></p><p align="center"><font color="#999999"><em><font size="1">--------</font></em></font><font color="#999999"><em><font size="1">--------</font></em></font><font color="#999999"><em><font size="1">----</font></em></font><font color="#666699">SaiphMOD@gmail.com </font><font color="#999999"><em><font size="1">-------------------</font></em></font></p><p><font color="#999999"><em><font size="1">"This is my Timey Wimey Detector.  Goes "bing" when there's stuff.  It also fries eggs at 30 paces, wether you want it to or not actually.  I've learned to stay away from hens: It's not pretty when they blow" -- </font></em></font><font size="1" color="#999999">The Tenth Doctor, "Blink"</font></p> </div>

 

[larper]

Probes always seemed to do more damage to the Enterprise than actual weapons did. We always used to yell at the screen "Oh no, a probe! Throw a Holodeck at 'em!" <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><strong><font color="#ff0000">Vote </font><font color="#3366ff">Libertarian</font></strong></p> </div>

 

[drwayne]

"2. It makes no sense for the senior officers to always be leaving the ship to go on dangerous missions. They should have a dedicated special forces team for this purpose, a galactic equivalent of a Navy SEAL team, if you will."<br /><br />There is a fascinating defense, by Kirk, of Kirk going on the landing parties in the book "Ship of the Line".<br /><br />It is a fascinating book on leadership, I encourage you to read it.<br /><br />Wayne<br /><br /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>"1) Give no quarter; 2) Take no prisoners; 3) Sink everything."  Admiral Jackie Fisher</p> </div>

 

[yevaud]

However, there's a few very real reasons why the Captain should <i>not</i> go on those missions, at least until much later on in any contact scenario.<br /><br />Diplomats do this all of the time: begin with mid-level diplomats and functionaries. The reason being is that if you begin at the top, and talks fail, there's nowhere higher to go to retrieve negotiations.<br /><br />Further: this is not a small piece of chump-change machinery we're talking about: a ship such as the Enterprise is right at the cutting edge of Federation technology and military prowess. For a Captain to indulge in minor and frivolous away missions is almost criminally negligent. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><em>Differential Diagnosis:  </em>"<strong><em>I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are</em></strong>."<br /> </p> </div>

 

[jmilsom]

Nice thread. I just searched for Star Trek humour and there are thousands of sites.<br /><br />Here is a link to someone who has written down 46 things that never happen in Star Trek:<br /><br />http://www.sjacob.org/trek/humour/46ThingsWhichNeverHappenInStarTrek/ <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> </div>

 

[drwayne]

The book has an interesting perspective on the captain going on dangerous landing parties - something that has been picked on for years.<br /><br />Wayne <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>"1) Give no quarter; 2) Take no prisoners; 3) Sink everything."  Admiral Jackie Fisher</p> </div>

 

[PistolPete]

<font color="yellow">1. A simple seatbelt would prevent the crew from constantly flopping around the deck.</font><br /><br />Apparently OSHA has never bothered to take a tour of a starship! <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p> </p><p><em>So, again we are defeated. This victory belongs to the farmers, not us.</em></p><p><strong>-Kambei Shimada from the movie Seven Samurai</strong></p> </div>

 

[yevaud]

<i>Apparently OSHA has never bothered to take a tour of a starship!</i><br /><br />FOSHA (Federation OSHA) Inspector: "Wait a minute, Lt. Commander Scott - you crawled into an open tube with a matter/anti-matter reaction going on inches away, armed only with a magnetic probe?"<br /><br />Scotty: "Aye, that I did."<br /><br />Inspector: "OK, SHUT THIS PLACE DOWN NOW!!!" <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><em>Differential Diagnosis:  </em>"<strong><em>I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are</em></strong>."<br /> </p> </div>

 

[drwayne]

Followed by the sound of a phaser.<br /><br />"Like I told you lad" Scotty said, holding the phaser and talking to a junior enginner, "the *right* tool, for the right job"<br /><br />Kirk looks on admiringly, and says, "Scotty, you are a miracle worker"<br /><br /><img src="/images/icons/wink.gif" /><br /><br />Wayne <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>"1) Give no quarter; 2) Take no prisoners; 3) Sink everything."  Admiral Jackie Fisher</p> </div>

 

[drwayne]

Spock is hear to observe, "The elimination of a bureaucrat, while a definite waste of phaser energy, is an emminently logical course of action"<br /><br />McCoy chimed in, "Well, its a better solution than beaming them out into space like we did to the last one"<br /><br />Wayne <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>"1) Give no quarter; 2) Take no prisoners; 3) Sink everything."  Admiral Jackie Fisher</p> </div>

 

[yevaud]

I'm sorry, but I just spent the last few minutes giggling hysterically. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><em>Differential Diagnosis:  </em>"<strong><em>I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are</em></strong>."<br /> </p> </div>

 

[vogon13]

Never beam a lawyer into space, someone might come across the frozen desicated corpse.<br /><br />Always set the transporter to deep, solid rock.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><font color="#ff0000"><strong>TPTB went to Dallas and all I got was Plucked !!</strong></font></p><p><font color="#339966"><strong>So many people, so few recipes !!</strong></font></p><p><font color="#0000ff"><strong>Let's clean up this stinkhole !!</strong></font> </p> </div>

 

[yevaud]

Set it to "Wide - Dispersal."<br /><br />Although what a huge, amorphous cloud of evil Lawyer is capable of escapes me.<br /><br />(It *might* explain the disappearance of Chatelaine VI though) <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><em>Differential Diagnosis:  </em>"<strong><em>I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are</em></strong>."<br /> </p> </div>

 

[PistolPete]

FOSHA Inspector: "Someone could loose a finger on the elavators in engineering. And another thing, where are the hardhats, safety glasses, hearing protection, or emergency eye wash stations? I know you guys are in danger everyday on the cutting edge of space, but you guys are just begging for someone to get hurt. No wonder you guys have such a high injury rate. I mean a red shirt every week is just ridiculous!" <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p> </p><p><em>So, again we are defeated. This victory belongs to the farmers, not us.</em></p><p><strong>-Kambei Shimada from the movie Seven Samurai</strong></p> </div>

 

[spacefire]

What I want to know is: <br />1)in the ST universe, was there human interplanetary space travel before doctor Archer built his warp drive?<br />2)Right after they amde first contact, what happened?<br />were tehre a lot of primitive starships built? was there a culture shock that we wwere not alone in the universe?<br />did a lot of people run off to uninhabited planets in rickety starships without transporters?<br /> <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>http://asteroid-invasion.blogspot.com</p><p>http://www.solvengineer.com/asteroid-invasion.html </p><p> </p> </div>

 

[yevaud]

Read the book "Federation," by Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens. Possibly the finest ST book ever written. It explains many of your questions:<br /><br />Yes, there was interplanetary travel before Cochrane invented the Warp Drive.<br /><br />What happened? Long and slow negotiations while the Humans and Vulcans learned about each other. After the Optimal War (see below), the Vulcans were instrumental in helping Earth recover.<br /><br />Yes, due to the presence of the "Optimal Movement" on Earth, and imminent war, many many people fled Earth to other planets in rickety ships without transporters. <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p><em>Differential Diagnosis:  </em>"<strong><em>I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are</em></strong>."<br /> </p> </div>

 

[love2grow2live]

"You do realize that it is a TV show made for entertainment, right? It is not a documentary."<br /><br /><br />I don't have a problem with make-believe for the purpose of entertainment. Travel at warp speed and beam onto all the planets you want. However, in order to make it interesting there has to be at least some level of logic and realism in other aspects of the show. Good drama needs to be somewhat believable, or else it becomes comical.

 

[spacefire]

I'll have to check that one out. Thanks! <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p>http://asteroid-invasion.blogspot.com</p><p>http://www.solvengineer.com/asteroid-invasion.html </p><p> </p> </div>

 

[PistolPete]

Ok, I've got somethin' for yall:<br /><br />The USS Make S**t Up<br />By: Voltaire<br /><br />Stranded on a planet, just me and Spock<br />We met a nasty Nazi alien who locked our @$$es up<br />We found a hunk of crystal and a metal piece of bed<br />We made a laser phaser gun and shot him in the head<br /><br />I was standing on the bridge when Sulu came to me<br />His eyes were full of tears he said "Capitan can't you see?<br />The ship is going to blow! Do something, I beseech!”<br />So I grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum and stopped the warp core breach<br /><br />And I say:<br />Bounce a graviton particle beam<br />Off the main deflector dish<br />That’s the way we do things, lad<br />We’re making s**t up as we wish<br />The Klingons and the Romulans<br />Pose no threat to us<br />Cause if we find we’re in a bind<br />We just make some s**t up<br /><br />Though he’s a child and some think him a twit<br />Wesley is the master when it comes to making up some s**t<br />He’s the guy you want with you when you go out in space<br />Now if only he could beam those pimples off his face<br /><br />If you’re at a party on the starship Enterprise<br />And the karaoke player just plain ol’ up and dies<br />Set up a neutrino field inside a can of peas<br />Hold on to Geordie’s visor and sing in to Data’s knees<br /><br />And I say:<br />Bounce a graviton particle beam<br />Off the main deflector dish<br />That’s the way we do things, lad<br />We’re making s**t up as we wish<br />The Klingons and the Romulans<br />Pose no threat to us<br />Cause if we find we’re in a bind<br />We just make some s**t up<br /><br />Sisco’s on a mission to go no bloody place<br />He loiters on a space station above Bajoran space<br />The wormhole opened up and now they come from near and far<br />We’ll keep the booze but please send back the f***ing Jim-Hadar<br /><br />What happened to the Klingons? Remember in the day<br />They looked like Puerto Ricans and they dressed in gold lamé<br />Now they look like heavy metal rockers from the d <div class="Discussion_UserSignature"> <p> </p><p><em>So, again we are defeated. This victory belongs to the farmers, not us.</em></p><p><strong>-Kambei Shimada from the movie Seven Samurai</strong></p> </div>