That's hilarious. And shows there is a problem. Everybody forgets Murphy. The number of collisions has been small. And ignored. What statisticians don't realize is....that when the collisions start....they will multiply. And all of a sudden, space debris becomes a serious problem. They don't know Murphy. He waits for situations like this.
This capture strategy is too cumbersome, too time consuming, too resource consuming. Long term make work.
We need to be able to target orbital debris with lasers, and ionize the debris. One would think that charged objects would migrate towards the poles and eventually fall. We need to ionize many different sizes. And even electrically bump them down if needed. This will take power. Very large panels or nuclear power. But it would clear debris much faster. And could do cleaning maintenance.