My next offering is a book that I was forced to read by a friend. If he's reading this right now.. thanks a friggin' lot dude.
"The Summoner" - Gail Martin - (Fantasy) OK, don't buy this book. It has cool cover art but, don't let that fool you. There is nothing cool about this book, the story, the characters, the plot or anything that could remotely be mistaken for "cool." It sucks.
I bought the book because:
She's a new author.
The cover is interesting.
Her forward is endearing
"zomgz thanks to all my family and friends and pets that proofed my work zomgz i haz a publishur!" <sic>
The synopsis might have been a nifty idea for a story if she wasn't the one that had to write it.
She's a new author so, I envy her that. But, "Solaris", who are the publishers of this potential source of paper mache' art, in their infinite wisdom and quest to make a buck from cover art must have zombies working as editors. Hers obviously never paid attention to what she was writing.
In a phrase, it's extremely bad storytelling.
I'm not giving anything away by letting you know that she couldn't describe a scene if her life depended upon it. In fact, she doesn't take any time to describe anything at all. Her visualizations are one-word, if that. The dark foreboding you would expect in a canned "dark foreboding scene" would be chosen by her to be described as "dark and foreboding." Get the picture? No, of course you don't. That's because you can't tell a darn thing by "dark and foreboding" and have no friggin clue wtf is going on, where it is happening or whether or not it is significant.
Don't even bother thinking the cover art depicts anything remotely interesting in terms of magic. Martin has taken her cues straight out the the D&D Player's Handbook. If the character lobs a fireball somewhere, it's described as a "fireball." Literally. She will go on and on about them as well, using the same tired descriptions..
"Tris lobbed a fireball at the beast. Then, he lobbed another fireball. Then, he lobbed another one at another beast that had snuck up behind him. Then, he lobbed another one at another beast and it assploaded in a big assplosion." That is a synopsis of an "action scene." Her swordfights are typically as juvenile.
"He hit it with his sword. Then, he caught a swordblow with his sword. Then, he swung and hit it with his sword again." There, now you know how she writes fight scenes...
By the way, you won't care about the characters either. They don't exist. They're automatons with only the most basic motivations. They're boring as hell. Don't worry, they'll be with you through the entire book, page by aching page, so you'll never have to wonder what they're up to... as if you could possibly care...
I put the book down about 30 pages through it. I couldn't take it anymore. I told a friend of mine who had read it I couldn't stand it anymore and now I realize why he suspiciously gave me a "
just read it, man.. lol.." recommendation when I first asked him about it. But, he convinced me to continue the torture through the other 600 pages so we could complain to each other how bad it was and get a few chuckles. Yes, you read right.. 637 pages of "
He hit it with his sword" and "
He lobbed a fireball" and "
It was dark and foreboding.".. I have almost finished suffering through the final non-climactic, completely predictable scene.
But, that means that now you don't have to! I have saved you! You owe me big time for coming to your rescue on this one. Save your money and use it for cab fare to speed you away from the bookstore that carries this Coaster. It's that bad.
Oh, btw, Solaris evidently thought it was so outstanding that they published
three sequels.. So, don't ever buy anything Solaris publishes. We'll take care of problems like this through Darwinian Economics. Edit - I checked them out. Unfortunately, they have some good authors under their title... How Gail Martin got there is anyone's guess.
(A kind note - Hopefully, one day, Martin will learn how to write. I'll watch for her reviews just in case. But, I won't do it with much expectation of being rewarded..)