The Worst Books You Have Ever Read...

[a_lost_packet_]

There's a Book Recommendation thread around here, somewhere. But, there's not a Book Warning thread.

Sure, we all have favorites. Heck, all it takes is one popular favorite to rise to the top in a conversation and half a dozen people will be willing to gabber on about it. So, several recommendations have come across the boards that I have enjoyed reading. Some of you may have picked up a few as well.

But, have you ever run across a book it was to your extreme displeasure that you were unable to avoid reading it?

I bet you have. If you're any regular reader, chances are you've come across things some people call books but others call Coasters, Paper Weights, Table-Levelers and Cage Liners.

So, what are they and why? Tell your fellow SDC'ers what book(s) you have been assaulted by that are amongst the worst you've ever read. Give us all a heads-up so we can save some cash. Books are getting more expensive every day..

 

[a_lost_packet_]

I'll open with three books from the fantasy genre that I've mentioned before in an earlier, unrelated thread. (Text copypasta'd here)

".....To this date, there are very few Sci-fi/Fantasy type books that I detest due to the author's inability to get me to "Suspend Disbelief." The ones that come to mind now actually center on various authors and not, necessarily, all their works:

1) The Sword of Truth Series - Terry Goodkind - To be honest, the whole stupid drawn out disgusing "reluctant hero whining" thing just got to me. After the third book (IIRC), I refused to read anything else in that series. Why? Because, quite frankly, nobody with that much power and that much success having used it would continue with his little sniveling "But, I don't wanna be a hero!" crap. My Disbelief was broken.

2) The Anita Blake Series - Laurell K Hamilton - The first three were decent.. but, Hamilton's a sex-starved twisted weirdo and should start writing "Blue" books instead of Gothic Horror/Fantasy. I've also found that Hamilton's favorite mechanism is the constant use of "deus ex machina" in every single book along with filling as many pages full of penises as is inhumanly possible. My Disbelief was broken and ran away screaming into the night.

3) The Southern Vampire Series - Charlaine Harris- Most definitely the worst writer it has ever been my misfortune to have not avoided reading. Suspension of disbelief was only possible for limited amounts of time and was finally overwhelmed and driven away by the disgusting, putrid stench wafting up from the diseased scribblings oozing across the fetid pages of her first book. Charlaine Harris is living proof that if you have no ability to write, no imagination and have absolutely no idea how to tell a story, someone will buy your books and HBO will make a miniseries out of your work. She gives hope to millions of illiterate no-talent drool gobbling sub-morons that they too can become a successful author if they can figure out how to use the crayon sharpener... I didn't like her book..."

 

[a_lost_packet_]

My next offering is a book that I was forced to read by a friend. If he's reading this right now.. thanks a friggin' lot dude.

"The Summoner" - Gail Martin - (Fantasy) OK, don't buy this book. It has cool cover art but, don't let that fool you. There is nothing cool about this book, the story, the characters, the plot or anything that could remotely be mistaken for "cool." It sucks.

I bought the book because:

She's a new author.
The cover is interesting.
Her forward is endearing "zomgz thanks to all my family and friends and pets that proofed my work zomgz i haz a publishur!" <sic>
The synopsis might have been a nifty idea for a story if she wasn't the one that had to write it.

She's a new author so, I envy her that. But, "Solaris", who are the publishers of this potential source of paper mache' art, in their infinite wisdom and quest to make a buck from cover art must have zombies working as editors. Hers obviously never paid attention to what she was writing.

In a phrase, it's extremely bad storytelling.

I'm not giving anything away by letting you know that she couldn't describe a scene if her life depended upon it. In fact, she doesn't take any time to describe anything at all. Her visualizations are one-word, if that. The dark foreboding you would expect in a canned "dark foreboding scene" would be chosen by her to be described as "dark and foreboding." Get the picture? No, of course you don't. That's because you can't tell a darn thing by "dark and foreboding" and have no friggin clue wtf is going on, where it is happening or whether or not it is significant.

Don't even bother thinking the cover art depicts anything remotely interesting in terms of magic. Martin has taken her cues straight out the the D&D Player's Handbook. If the character lobs a fireball somewhere, it's described as a "fireball." Literally. She will go on and on about them as well, using the same tired descriptions.. "Tris lobbed a fireball at the beast. Then, he lobbed another fireball. Then, he lobbed another one at another beast that had snuck up behind him. Then, he lobbed another one at another beast and it assploaded in a big assplosion." That is a synopsis of an "action scene." Her swordfights are typically as juvenile. "He hit it with his sword. Then, he caught a swordblow with his sword. Then, he swung and hit it with his sword again." There, now you know how she writes fight scenes...

By the way, you won't care about the characters either. They don't exist. They're automatons with only the most basic motivations. They're boring as hell. Don't worry, they'll be with you through the entire book, page by aching page, so you'll never have to wonder what they're up to... as if you could possibly care...

I put the book down about 30 pages through it. I couldn't take it anymore. I told a friend of mine who had read it I couldn't stand it anymore and now I realize why he suspiciously gave me a "just read it, man.. lol.." recommendation when I first asked him about it. But, he convinced me to continue the torture through the other 600 pages so we could complain to each other how bad it was and get a few chuckles. Yes, you read right.. 637 pages of "He hit it with his sword" and "He lobbed a fireball" and "It was dark and foreboding.".. I have almost finished suffering through the final non-climactic, completely predictable scene.

But, that means that now you don't have to! I have saved you! You owe me big time for coming to your rescue on this one. Save your money and use it for cab fare to speed you away from the bookstore that carries this Coaster. It's that bad.

Oh, btw, Solaris evidently thought it was so outstanding that they published three sequels.. So, don't ever buy anything Solaris publishes. We'll take care of problems like this through Darwinian Economics. Edit - I checked them out. Unfortunately, they have some good authors under their title... How Gail Martin got there is anyone's guess.

(A kind note - Hopefully, one day, Martin will learn how to write. I'll watch for her reviews just in case. But, I won't do it with much expectation of being rewarded..)

 

[crazyeddie]

I thought all of the Rendezvous with Rama sequels by Gentry Lee (in collaboration with Arthur C. Clarke) were just plain awful. I struggled through the first sequel, and finally gave up in disgust halfway through the second sequel. Gentry Lee has absolutely no talent for character development, and the people in these stories behaved so childishly and unprofessionally that I couldn't believe Sir Arthur would associate his name with this author. I have the same feelings about Ben Bova. He was a fantastic editor, but he's a lousy writer, in my opinion. I've read a lot of his books, but never really enjoyed any of them.

Oh, and Steven Coonts Saucer was one of the stupidest books I've ever read by an otherwise talented, established author.

 

[Gravity_Ray]

alp
I cant think of a book bad enough that I want to give a warning to, but I'll look around. However, I just wanted to say you crack me up dude. :lol:

I think I will read your book... Wait do you have a book?

 

[nimbus]

Engine summer. Not 150 proof alcohol, nor hydrofluoric acid, nor molten laval or the LHC could penetrate WTF is going on in this book.

 

[WannabeRocketScientist]

I thought Red Mars was brilliant. Kim Stanley Robinson had a great sci-fi story going. But I absolutely hate Blue Mars, and was never quite into The Martians (although this might be as a result of my dislike of Blue Mars, as I went into it directly afterword).

 

[a_lost_packet_]

Dragonflight - Anne Mcaffrey - (Possibly, the whole Pern series. But, I purposefully haven't read them)

The most resounding criticism I've read on the Pern series is something I can't equal. So, I'm not going to try. Sadly, I don't remember the attribution. But, here it is anyway

"Hot chicks having uninteresting telepathic sex with dragons."

There, it's done. That's all you need to know.

I so hated the first book (and I believe I read the second though my mind rebels at the thought) that I have come to judge bookstores on how many Pern books they have on the shelf. There is no worse sight, in my mind, than rushing with great and joyful expectation to the Science Fiction section only to find shelf after shelf of stupid dragons and their dragonriders staring at you with some singularly Pernish expression on their faces. I now know what policeman must feel like when confronted with a crack dealer they can't bust because his political connections are too good... Those riders are mocking me.. I know it.

I'm a bit surprised as I enjoyed the Brainship books I have read. (The Ship Who Sang, etc.) That's a pretty unique setting, good characters and I think she did a good job with it overall. But.. Pern... it churns my stomach to think of the innocent minds afflicted with images of dragons and their riders, dutifully chasing falling threads... They're mocking me.. sitting on the shelf, looking so innocent of the crimes they have committed.

 

[StarRider1701]

Dragonflight - Anne Mcaffrey - (Possibly, the whole Pern series. But, I purposefully haven't read them)

The most resounding criticism I've read on the Pern series is something I can't equal. So, I'm not going to try. Sadly, I don't remember the attribution. But, here it is anyway

"Hot chicks having uninteresting telepathic sex with dragons."

There, it's done. That's all you need to know.

I so hated the first book (and I believe I read the second though my mind rebels at the thought) that I have come to judge bookstores on how many Pern books they have on the shelf.

I'm a bit surprised as I enjoyed the Brainship books I have read. (The Ship Who Sang, etc.) That's a pretty unique setting, good characters and I think she did a good job with it overall. But.. Pern... it churns my stomach to think of the innocent minds afflicted with images of dragons and their riders, dutifully chasing falling threads... They're mocking me.. sitting on the shelf, looking so innocent of the crimes they have committed.

I agree with you, lost. I too never got into the whole Dragonrider thing, although I did like the Brainship books as well as the Crystal Singer.
I have to agree with the poster who said he doesn't remember reading much SF that was totally bad. I have nearly always found some good in most Science Fiction. Sadly, some of the most disappointing books I can remember were the sequels to The Foundation Trilogy. At the beginning he plainly stated that he really never wanted to continue that story, but the publisher dumped a truckload of money in his lap and he couldn't refuse. I wish he had refused...

 

[kelvinzero]

About Dragonflight, Anita Blake and Southern Vampire,

I think of this as scifi pulp written by women mainly for women. Men are just not wired to get it, I reckon.

I admit I read a few anyway and sometimes enjoy them. I think it is just nice to confirm that women do in fact get naughty sweaty feelings also, whatever they claim, and can also have geeky fantasies.

Men also have pulp we know is crap but enjoy anyway. It isnt about being good, it is about pushing all the right buttons.

 

[a_lost_packet_]

..I have to agree with the poster who said he doesn't remember reading much SF that was totally bad. I have nearly always found some good in most Science Fiction.

Same here. I find it very difficult to find much fault with the classic "Sci Fi" books I have read. It's hard to find one that really sucks.

Sadly, some of the most disappointing books I can remember were the sequels to The Foundation Trilogy. At the beginning he plainly stated that he really never wanted to continue that story, but the publisher dumped a truckload of money in his lap and he couldn't refuse. I wish he had refused...

A lot of people would agree with you there.

 

[a_lost_packet_]

About Dragonflight, Anita Blake and Southern Vampire,

I think of this as scifi pulp written by women mainly for women. Men are just not wired to get it, I reckon.

Yup. I read the Anita Blake books on recommendation by a female friend, IIRC. Or, I was trying to find something interesting for her to read since she liked Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden series so much. Can't remember which, atm. Dragonflight I read on my own because it was all over the place and someone lent me a bookclub edition, IIRC.

The first Southern Vampire book was foisted off on me by a female friend.. It's a real stinker... I've written several posts ranting about it.. I even saved a copy of one since I thought I did a properly insulting commentary with just the right dash of acerbic humor.

I admit I read a few anyway and sometimes enjoy them. I think it is just nice to confirm that women do in fact get naughty sweaty feelings also, whatever they claim, and can also have geeky fantasies.

The first couple of Anita Blake books weren't terrible, if you simply through common sense out the window. But.. later... that woman must have not had any corners left in her house.. rubbed the whole place smooth... Every new monster was just something else for her to have sex with. I wouldn't be surprised if she started dating tentacle monsters or something.

 

[jryle1234]

:mrgreen: Come on you people. Your reading SF/FAN and if you want to read it you have to suspend your form of reality!
If you read it anything is possibile, Evern if you dont like it!!!!!! :evil:

JSR

 

[crazyeddie]

:mrgreen: Come on you people. Your reading SF/FAN and if you want to read it you have to suspend your form of reality!
If you read it anything is possibile, Evern if you dont like it!!!!!! :evil:

JSR

That's not really the point. It's true that suspension of disbelief is part of the experience of reading fantasy and science fiction, particularly the former. But there is still well-written and poorly-written material. No matter the genre, it's still literature, and we've moved beyond the days when this stuff was dismissed as mere "pulp fiction". Kim Stanley Robinson produces literary art that also happens to be science fiction. Gentry Lee produces cheap-trash science fiction.

 

[JonClarke]

That's not really the point. It's true that suspension of disbelief is part of the experience of reading fantasy and science fiction, particularly the former. But there is still well-written and poorly-written material. No matter the genre, it's still literature, and we've moved beyond the days when this stuff was dismissed as mere "pulp fiction". Kim Stanley Robinson produces literary art that also happens to be science fiction. Gentry Lee produces cheap-trash science fiction.

I never thought I would see KSR, literary and art all in the same sentence.

 

[OleNewt]

There was only one book that I made the conscious decision to stop reading, but I can't remember what it was called. It was an "independant" sci-fi/sci-fantasy thing where the beginning involved a lighthouse in stormy weather, a young woman, and an interdimensional traveller she finds and nurses back to health.

Kind of like Piers Anthony's Xanth, but it wasn't his story.

 

[jryle1234]

:mrgreen: Come on you people. Your nitpicking. If you like it read it. If not there are plenty of used/new book stores plus librarys and other sources to choose from.

Start over with a new book and it wont make any difference :roll:

 

[vogon13]

Great Expectations was required reading for a HS English class.

I wanted to puke after about 10 pages. Insipid, florid tripe.



I recall reading what I believe was kind of a philosophical novel around 1980. I did not 'get' what ever point the author was trying to make. I thought the title was something like Jurgen Cabel, but I just googled that and did not find it. I might have liked it better had I undestood whatever point of the book was.

The part I recall was the lead character finding his way to Hell (as a visitor, not as someone damned) and finding his father there in the largest flame Satan had available.

 

[vogon13]

Found it.

Jurgen, A Comedy of Justice is a 1919 fantasy book by James Branch Cabell – the eighth among some fifty-two books written by this author – which gained fame (or notoriety) shortly after its publication.


The lead character even seduces Satan's wife. Funny I forgot that part. Anyhow, it was a tough read and I did not like it at all. The Wiki entry says it inspired Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land. Which must be why I read Jurgen. I loved SIASL, however.

 

[a_lost_packet_]

:mrgreen: Come on you people. Your nitpicking. If you like it read it. If not there are plenty of used/new book stores plus librarys and other sources to choose from.

Start over with a new book and it wont make any difference :roll:

See, that's just it - How are we supposed to know if we're going to like it without reading it?

I've come across several books that had really interesting synopsis, excerpts and the like but, turned out to be garbage.

I'd rather get a warning, up front, from qualified readers before I invest the time or money having to decide for myself whether or not a book is suitable to be called a "novel" or a "coaster."

 

[ZenGalacticore]

Worst book I've ever read?

"Moby Dick". Well, I actually didn't read it. I was educating myself on the Classics. I've read 'Robinson Crusoe'; 'Robin Hood'; 'Le Morte de Arthur'; '20,000 Legues Under the Sea'; 'The Three Musketeers'; 'Treasure Island'; 'Gulliver's Travels', etc etc.

My first attempt at reading the ponderous 'Moby Dick' got me to about page 10. On my next stab at it, I made it to about pp. 30, but couldn't remember what I had read. Third attempt, pp. 40, and bored to death. Never picked it up again. And I've found out since then that Herman Melville's writing career spiraled downward after the publication of 'Moby Dick', when he thought it was going to be the book that took him to superstardom.

Strange thing is, 'Moby Dick' was such a darn good movie, with Greg Peck. But the book, IMO, was awful. Kind of like "The Shining", great movie, awful book. I guess sometimes, screenplay writers are better than editors when cutting out the fat and the filler.

 

[StarRider1701]

If worst books you've never read qualifies then I've got an easy one.
Hitchhikers Guide.
A friend told me that he thought it was awful and I took his word for it. I should have realized that the movie would do the book justice! It sucked too. Total waste of money.

 

[HRacct]

If worst books you've never read qualifies then I've got an easy one.
Hitchhikers Guide.
A friend told me that he thought it was awful and I took his word for it. I should have realized that the movie would do the book justice! It sucked too. Total waste of money.

Starrider,
How could you say such a thing. Just because I literally looked to see if I was missing a few pages at the end, doesn't mean it was a total waste. The book had a lot stranger ending then the movie. But It still is a good fav of mine. So far, I have read two of the author's set of books. and I may end up reading "A Salmon of a Doubt", or some such worthy title when I am totally bored and not missing the time.

 

[HRacct]

I really can not say these books are the worst, but there are some titles I just could not finish, or got so tired of the concept of the book.

Best Destiny, about James Kirk as a rebel without a cause, just bored me SO MUCH I had to put it down about the middle of the book. I think I did turn to the end to see how it turned out, but that was all.

For excapeist reading I have enjoyed the Star Wars series, but after a while, the stars children's children are running into the SAME problems, and only changing the enemies name. It has been a few years now since I have picked up one of those books. But there is one book out now in hard back that may be interesting.

The gest of the book from the flap jacket says, Hans' granddaughter finds a problem with the Falcon, and discovers something living in it that NO ONE has ever discovered before. But then again, maybe not.

 

[jim48]

That's easy. In 1991 Sidney Sheldon took a crack at science fiction. The result was The Doomsday Conspiracy, about aliens on Earth looking for water. Horrible! Banal dialouge. Predictable plot. Another one that surprised me was the un-edited edition of Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land, as good an argument for editors as one can have.